Yes, Meg, there is a Nail Polish Claus (and he likes pink)

Something really exciting happened to me this week.

No, I haven’t yet found “The One” — or even “the one” of the moment. As of this posting, friends, I haven’t gotten to a third date with any of the gentlemen with whom I’ve been seeing recently. Casually. In a casual way.

I haven’t won the lottery or gotten a raise. And while I’m at it, I haven’t made great strides in finishing my fourth novel or returning to the infamous querying process in order to find someone who will value (and promote) my snark-tastic musings. I did win a heaping pile of books from The Book Studio — more on that later — but I’m so stressed and busy, I’m not sure when I’ll be able to crack the spine on any of them. Yes, things are insane — in a good way — and I’m feeling overwhelmed, but . . .

I found the perfect shade of
pink nail polish.

I’ve pranced around the planet for almost 25 years and polished up these pretty fingers more times than I can count. In terms of obsessions, I’m a bit of a nail polish junkie — and it doesn’t help that I frequent some fabulous fashion blogs which make me want to whip out the ol’ credit card and order everything in sight. If I’m strolling through Target, I have to detour into the makeup aisle — just to get a glimpse at all the tiny, pretty bottles, all perfectly lined up and promising I’ll become sassy or saucy or sexy while wearing these shades.

I’m pretty saucy on a daily basis — or try to be, anyway — but there’s something about those clear bottles promising me a mini-makeover that I find utterly irresistible.

But up until this week, I’d never been able to find the right shade of pink.

Because on top of being sassy and saucy, I’m very particular. My sister’s room is full of the pink cast-offs I’ve purchased over the years, trying to find the right color, only to decide that while it’s pretty or cute or whatevs, it’s not The One.

But it’s a brand-new day.

It’s called “Party In My Cabana” and is made by none other than OPI, that most fabulous (and, er, costly) of nail companies. Since I cycle through so many bottles of polish on a regular basis, I usually can’t see paying $8 or $10 a bottle for something I’ll probably wear once and then shove in a bin, but let me say this: I’d pay every cent of that $8 for this hue (and did), and I think you’ll see why. Glance to the very top.

It’s dark. It’s a fun, dark pink. It’s not bubblegum, but it’s not salmon. It’s bold and bright and fun, while still being sophisticated and work-appropriate.

Basically, it’s Heaven In A Tiny, Black-Capped Bottle.

I was about to stop believing, but my faith in cosmetics has been restored. Yes, Meg, there is a Nail Polish Claus — available on the OPI site — and it knew what I wanted even before I did. Once there, click “Try On This Color” and, you know, spend a few minutes (er, hours?) finding the shade that works best for you. Then head over to Amazon or your favorite retailer, find it cheap and go for it. Paint those nails. Or, in my case, come have a “party in my cabana”!

Not sure that sounds right. But, ladies, you know what I mean.

Remember to pink before you leap

I’m certainly not the first woman in the world to declare her love for sparkly things — and I know there will never be a time when legions of other lovely ladies will join me! My ex-boyfriend once cleverly provided a graph similar to this one for the LOLs. Please pay special attention to the “shiny things and diamonds olfactory” on the frontal lobe:


(FYI: Don’t Google Image search “woman’s brain.”
What has been seen cannot be unseen. Ick.)

And while the graph above is, you know, sexist and all, I can still see the humor in most of it (except for the bit about men being better drivers than women! Please.) At least where shiny things are concerned, it’s true. Women often flock to shiny, sparkly and pretty things like the famished to an all-you-can-eat seafood buffet. I’m certainly a classically pink-loving, silly and often ridiculously girly girl: I start most of my mornings by pouring over my favorites list at Etsy just for the eye candy. All those pink, pretty and shimmery things — all available for purchase? I can buy them quickly and easily with a few clicks on my mouse and they arrive at my door? It’s dangerous, I tell you . . . scary dangerous! And yes, I’ve been misbehaving — buying way more than I should be. And loving every minute of it.

opi_colorsI have all sorts of sparkly things, you see. Shirts, book covers, photo frames, handbags . . . and, of course, jewelry. (Earrings, necklaces, rings, bracelets . . . ah, sparkly things!) But my latest sparkly obsession? Nail polish! Well, specifically OPI nail polish. Each petite bottle (yes, women also think “tiny” things are adorable) is packed with loveliness and, in several cases, shimmer and glitter.

And they have ridiculously awesome names. The polish I slathered on last night is called “Pink Before You Leap.” I found an incredibly helpful chart with many of the shades and their respective, cute titles, and I’m now in love with “Mimosas For Mr. & Mrs.” and “Privacy Please” from the soft shades collection! Other awesome titles include “Nice Color, Eh?” from the Canadian Collection, “My Daddy’s The King,” “Cozu-Melted In The Sun” and “Blushingham Palace” from the British Collection (yeah, you know I’m loving that!). Rebecca likes “I’m Not Really A Waitress” (a very vibrant red) and I’m partial to “20 Candles On My Cake.” (It’ll be 24 this summer, but no mind.) There are just so many choices!

strawberry_margaritaIt’s fun to change nail color, too. I went through the blue-and-green nail polish phase, then the black nail polish phase, but I’m happy to report I’ve now come into an era where I wear . . . whatever sort of nail polish suits my mood! I usually stick with the pinks and reds, but tend to be a little more daring in the summertime. I haven’t had my nails professionally done in a while — a tad expensive, plus false nails usually annoy me — so I’ve been doing all the labor myself. This suits me just fine — I like to change the colors often! I’ll let “Pink Before You Leap” set for a bit, and then I’m moving on to . . . “Kyoto Pearl.”