What we talk about in our twenties

Sunset

Over the weekend, I had an interesting chat about chatting.

What we talk about with others.

How we handle social situations.

I’ll admit to getting a little anxious in big groups, and sometimes I feel like I have “nothing to say” — or nothing interesting to say, anyway. Because I write a personal newspaper column, most of my “good” stories become fodder for my work. It may not seem tough to write a measly 450 words twice a week, y’all, but trust me: it gets challenging.

Sometimes I sit around in my pajamas and eat cookie butter out of a jar. Other times Spencer and I watch “Manhattan” and surf eBay and hang around drinking coffee, then do some laundry or pull weeds or whatever. All necessary tasks — but not exactly compelling.

When my sister and I had the chaos of planning two weddings last year, we always had something to talk about. Joint bridal planning is a unique brand of chaos that provided constant conversation with everyone we knew for a solid year, and I’ll be darned if I didn’t milk that for all it was worth.

(I did. I know I did.)

Regarding social occasions, I find that so much we want to share with others — IRL, if you will — has already been “shared” elsewhere. We post photos of vacations on Facebook; share milestones on Twitter; Instagram the heck out of an awesome meal. By the time we actually see someone, they’re well aware of what we’ve been doing and eating and thinking about.

For me, there’s another component: because I blog. And beyond that, friends may read my column and have already “heard” everything cool going on in my world.

I’ve gotten kind of used to this. It is what it is. The fact of the matter is, you know, I’m kind of boring; I only do so many “interesting” things in a day. And when I get together with folks I haven’t seen in a while, there aren’t always that many fascinating anecdotes to relay.

And that’s okay. It doesn’t matter.

Because sometimes? It’s enough to just be together. Without iPhones, without Facebook, without Gchat. It’s enough to sit and drink a cold beer on a friend’s new deck and blow bubbles with a 3-year-old and all watch the sun go down. To brush mosquitoes away from each other’s legs, hold up a beer and mouth “Another?” and laugh about silliness from five years ago — because we can.

Sunset II

I haven’t had a large crew of friends since high school, back when we bonded through theatre in the way that only in-the-trenches teens can. As an adult, I was folded into a large group of friends via my brother-in-law and sister — and my husband was been welcomed, too. I’m so grateful for all of them.

Maybe our conversations are about work, or houses, or children . . . maybe a little travel, if we’re lucky, or movies we’ve seen. Plans we have. Food we’ve made. Or money because, you know, we all only have so much of it; budgeting has become a common talking point.

I’ve learned from them. Been comforted by them. And even if it’s not all groundbreaking stuff, it’s more than enough for a group of twenty-somethings who have ushered in many life phases together. Though I didn’t meet the crew until we were all out of college and making our young way into the world, I’ve known them all longer than I’ve known my own husband.

It’s good, really — to look out at a porch now filled with newborns and toddlers, friends who have moved away and come back, those of us who have coupled up and married and now throw bashes in new spaces. We can’t all get together without mentioning how “things have changed,” often jokingly and innocently . . . because they have. Change is everywhere. It fills the cracks of every conversation.

But that change feels good, too — solid, real, reassuring. As we enter different phases at different times, we lend support and camaraderie. One couple actually bought their house the day before we did, and we’ve bonded over unpacking and adulthood in new ways.

Things change. Things stay the same.

And when we talk, we make the words matter.


Knitting Club Book Club ’09

friday_night_knittingApril 23 marks a pretty momentous day for me as a reader — and a social butterfly! I’m going to be hosting the first Borders Book Club at my local bookstore — a place I’ve worked, off and on, for more than two years. This month’s selection is Kate Jacobs’s The Friday Night Knitting Club, a book I just finished reading last week.

As you may have seen, I had some pret-ty strong reactions to it! Well, I’ll be honest: I freaked out after finishing it. If you haven’t yet read it, far be it from me to spoil anything for you . . . because I really did enjoy the book. I was just so flat-out flabbergasted by the ending, it tainted much of the story for me. I’m going to leave out any spoilers here, but I’ll just say, again, that I was a little heartbroken and angry.

So yes! Excellent first book club pick! Definitely a book that incited some emotion and fist-punching from me. But I’ve never led a book club in my life . . . in fact, I’ve never even attended a book club. I’ve read plenty of books about them (see: The Jane Austen Book Club; The Reading Group) but have yet to sit with a group of ladies (or gentlemen) with coffee and plenty of novels piled between us. And, to be honest, I’m worried that no one is going to show up! Our Knitting Club Book Club, as I’ve begun to refer to it, is sponsored by Borders — and folks across the country are all meeting at their individual stores to discuss it. I’m in Southern Maryland and our store is usually pretty busy, but I’m going to be so disappointed if we don’t have any attendees! Especially since I have some conversation topics ready to go.

Well, I think I have some conversation topics ready to go. I’m working on it. The back of my novel has a reader’s guide and several pages of additional information, as does the Borders website. And I love that sort of stuff! I’ve never had an occasion to actually bring any of these points up with anyone else, but I love reading the author interviews and checking out the discussion topics. Usually I get a better understanding of what I supposed to “get” from the book . . . and I use them as catalysts for beginning my book reviews.

bookmarks_i_made So I’m excited! Meeting other book-minded people! Expanding my circle of acquaintances! Getting paid to talk about a good book for a few hours! Seeing my friends from the store! Drinking a latte — something I’ve just been depriving myself of while detoxing from caffeine!

In fact, I’m so overzealous about the Knitting Club Book Club that I’ve actually crafted . . . bookmarks for my fellow clubbers. Yes. In all sorts of colors! I’m a pink girl, but I figured not everyone wants a pink paper bookmark shoved in their novel. And you can’t go to a party and not take home a little favor, right? I dig the bookmarks. I was optimistic and made 18 of them, my lucky number! I’m planning on putting this blog address on the back of them, hoping they’ll come visit write meg!

But now that I’ve successfully rambled my way through this post and shared some bookmark eye candy, I ask of you all: Is there anything that I, a total book club newbie, should know about running a successful book discussion? And if you’ve read The Friday Night Knitting Club, is there any awesome question or talking point you could share with me? I’m totally open to suggestions / thoughts /ranting, and I appreciate any feedback! I really want it to be a successful, fun night.

Musing Mondays: Talking to strangers

musing_mondays Here’s this week’s question:

We were all warned as children to ‘never talk to strangers’, but how do you feel about book-talk with random people? When you see people reading, do you ask what it is? Do you talk to people in the bookstore or the library? Why or why not? What do you do if people talk to you?

When answering this week’s excellent question, I’m going to pretend that I haven’t worked at a bookstore off and on for years! Because there, I’m paid to talk to strangers about books (pretty great, most of the time!).

When I’m a “civilian” (ha!) walking around a bookstore, I will often ask strangers what they’re reading — unless they seem totally engrossed in the book and not open to conversation. Most of the time folks are just browsing around, maybe skimming through a novel or checking out the back cover. If it’s something I’ve read and enjoyed, I’ll usually feel compelled to tell them that — which might be annoying! I hope not. But very rarely does anyone seem unwilling to chat. I think most book people love other book people! We love to talk about books, so why not share the joy?

If I pass a friend or coworker reading, I’ll almost always stop and ask them about their book. In fact, I just had a very long conversation with a coworker about thrillers! I’m not into the mystery genre, but I just might be changing that. I’m open-minded! And some of them sound pretty interesting.

Of course, on the flip side, I don’t mind at all if people talk to me at bookstores or at work — I love reading so much, I sit around and blog about it! It’s not a problem. I love getting suggestions and recommendations, and hearing about stories other people have loved. I’m constantly adding to the TBR disaster in my room and can’t hear enough about great new books. So keep on talking to strangers!