Waiting. Wondering. Worrying. Waiting.

While I’ve never been a very superstitious person, per say, I definitely believe you should be careful about what you put into the universe.

Like if you really, really want something, you probably shouldn’t tell everyone. Or anyone, maybe. Because you’ll somehow jinx yourself with your wanting. A big job interview? A promotion? A vacation? A project slated to finally move forward?

Keep your lips zipped. Summon your patience. Wait.

So now I’m being all intentionally vague, friends, and that’s annoying. I’ve had so many thoughts cluttering my brain lately and not being able to write about them — in some form — is making me crazy.

For the sake of clarity I’ll just put out there that no, I’m not pregnant — the go-to question for newlyweds — but it does involve a potential “addition” of sorts for us! Just, you know, not of the child variety.

Oh, all right. This is getting silly, right?

Okay.


We’re looking at houses.


Trees


There. That’s not so scary to write, right?

Except . . . it is.

I feel like I’ve just revealed a terrible, dirty, change-your-opinion-of-me-forever secret.

In fact, I don’t know that I want to publish this post.

(But you’re reading it, so I guess I bit the bullet.)

I think my hesitancy stems from that you’ll jinx yourself! mentality I’ve harbored since childhood: that if you reveal your hopes, they’ll be dashed. So funnel those hopes into a glass and put that glass inside a safe with only one key. Palm the key, or hide the key, and wait. Don’t breathe a word until you’ve got a sure thing.

But nothing in life is a “sure thing,” right?

Nothing.

And definitely nothing in real estate.

But my stomach is churning because . . . well, because I fell for a house.

I told myself I wouldn’t. I’ve lectured Spence from the beginning to not get “emotionally attached” to any of the properties we’ve seen, and then what do I do?

I attach myself.

I couldn’t help it.

I see us in this house — the first time that’s happened. Christmases and Halloweens and Easters. Bookcases and family dinners, fires in the fireplace and movies on Friday nights. I smell chocolate chip cookies on the counter, the warm pine of our first real Christmas tree, fresh flowers on the table. I see the two of us becoming the three of us, then the four of us.

And to shape that wanting — to write out this desire and put it into the universe — feels terrifying.

Yet, here I am.

A writer to the core.

Worrying about “the next step.” About finances. About the future. About everything.

But excited, too.

I haven’t wanted to tell anyone about the house hunt because I don’t want to come back with bad news. I don’t want to have to write a sad post, a bummed footnote, and tell you that our dream home actually belongs to someone else. That my wishing alone could not make it so.

But we don’t always get what we want. We all know that.

And if we don’t get the house, we’ll be fine. We’ll find another, just as so many families before us have done — do every day. We’ll pick ourselves up and start again. Find another dream home. Fall in love again.

Like life.

But until then . . . we’ll think positive. Hold our breath. Just wait and see.

Whatever will be . . . will be.


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32 thoughts on “Waiting. Wondering. Worrying. Waiting.

  1. I’m kind of the opposite. I believe in the opposite of jinxing yourself. Sometimes I think that if you don’t tell the universe what you want, you may never get it. Sometimes in fact, I think that if you’re open about what you want the universe will hear you and you’ll find help from places you didn’t expect.

  2. It sounds as if you have found the right one, visualizing yourselves there. I share that and see you there too! Shall not congratulate you yet, but will be ready to soon!

  3. Telling or not telling your dream won’t spoil your chances – If it is meant to be then the sale will go through. I hope it does and you have your dream home but if it doesn’t a different one will be waiting somewhere. Enjoy! πŸ™‚

  4. I’m a huge believer in what’s meant to be is meant. If it’s meant to happen it will. Good luck : )

  5. Oh Meg! It is exciting, and SO HARD not to get excited. We’ve only been through this experience twice, and I would get myself so worked up. The first one happened pretty easily, but the one we are in now was a different story. I’m crossing my fingers for you!

  6. I get that whole thing about throwing information out into the universe. I try to keep things quiet to avoid jinxing myself too…and it never works. If it’s something I want, it’s something I’m excited about and end up sharing with others. Sounds like you’re excited too, so we readers will help counterbalance the jinxing by throwing all our positive, hopeful vibes out into the universe. Crossing my fingers for you guys that you find a great place…if not this one, then another!

  7. VERY exciting!

    I can’t wait to hear more about this part of your journey.

    It’s kind of funny…I have the opposite view as you about sharing your dreams. I love being vocal about them because I feel like putting them out into the universe publicly just all around leads to good things πŸ™‚

    ❀

  8. Looking for a house is exciting and terrifying all at the same time. If this house doesn’t work out for you, I have faith that you will find one that will. Good luck!

  9. I understand this. I worry about wishing and hoping too much too. My fingers and toes are crossed for you and this home and the promise of beautiful things. Keep us posted : )

  10. Congratulations! You don’t feel happiness based on how majestic a home looks on the outside or how much it costs, but on how it touches us INSIDE. Our dwellings shelter our dreams while providing a place of refuge, a place of contentment.

  11. Oh good luck. It can be such an exhausting and emotional journey. Hang tough doll and wait for the one that feels right i.e. speaks to you.

  12. Good luck! It’s sometimes exhausting going through the process but so worth it. We were out looking for a year before we found the one that feels right, but I know exactly how it feels to walk into a house and feel so at home πŸ™‚

  13. My husband and I are looking at houses too, and I totally feel like when I tell people that the “adulting police” are going to pop up and say, “HA! You are not a real adult! You can’t do this yet!” haha. We are going to look at properties on Saturday and I am terrified and thrilled at the same time. House hunting is such a roller coaster… I hope everything goes well for you guys!

  14. How exciting for you guys! I tend to believe the opposite though. I think if you put your wishes and dreams out there, the universe will conspire WITH you to make it happen. I’ve seen it happen time and time again with business goals and desires. The Husband even told me recently (after revealing some exciting business news to him), “I feel like all you have to do is just SAY what you want to happen and then it somehow happens for you.” Well, that “somehow” is me doing my part to make it happen, just as you guys are doing your part by house-hunting & keeping a positive attitude throughout the process. I think it’s a good thing you’ve put it out there and even if it doesn’t work out with this particular house, I have no doubt you will find the house that’s meant to be yours. πŸ™‚

  15. I’m exactly the same…I hate saying anything about something good that may potentially happen just in case I jinx it! So happy to hear your news though – will keep everything crossed for you πŸ™‚

  16. Good luck! I hope it all works out and you get you the house you’ve fallen for. We’ve just gone through this process (our new house closes on March 31!) We were all set to get a different place and I LOVED it (still love it, in fact.) Sadly, the inspection revealed some major issues so we had to back out of that deal. Even though it was disappointing, we found another place that’s really nice. You will, too if this one isn’t for you.

  17. Goodluck with the house hunting! Try to enjoy the less stressful parts like the actual process of getting to go to a new house every now and then while admiring all the handy work that went into the home. I know from watching House Hunters on HGTV that it gave me the ideas that I want in my dream home–which has made me very picky lol! Sending good vibes your way ❀

  18. I totally understand your trepidation. We had a very dramatic home buying experience, and it was really hard. There was one in particular I fell for and the neighborhood was not great. It was hard to let go of that ideal, and then when we found something I never thought we would fall for (struck with a similar feeling like you — picturing us there) it was a lot harder of a process and we almost lost it. I think my greatest lesson from this was patience and also, nothing is official until there is a key in your hand. There are so many times that things can change.

    Your post makes me feel a little bit wistful. James and I bought a house three years ago and since then, we sold and moved into an apartment. And my ideas of how our families would be in a home is just… not what the 24 year old imagined would happen. When we go to look to buy again, I’m not sure what I’m going to feel. Ugh. I’m so depressing. haha.

    Anyway! I hope you enjoy this time. The right place will make its way available, and I know that you & S have enough love for each other and your future to make it a great home full of lasting memories. Wishing you all the best πŸ™‚

  19. I’m definitely with you on feeling cautious about what I put into the universe. It’s really hard to put excitement out there only to have to pull it back or adjust when things don’t go as you hoped. That said, I’m excited you did share so that I can be excited with you and Spence on this one. I hope you hear good news!

  20. I am always a little careful about sharing this type of things, too. But I am happy to hear about this new adventure for you guys, and I will keep my fingers crossed for that house of yours! πŸ™‚

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