Early signs of fall

Leaves


I woke up this morning thinking of fall.

It’s a cool, misty day — the sort of dawn that makes me think of October leaves and pumpkins and apple cider. As we draw closer to autumn, we’re also drawing closer to the wedding. The thought alone makes my heart pound: excitement and nerves and joy.

Though it’s still mid-August, our sights are turned to back-to-school. Scrolling through Facebook from bed this morning, my feed was flooded with in jumpers with their lunch boxes, smiling optimistic and gap-toothed on their first day. I remember standing just as they did in front of my grandparents’ house, as anxious as a 7-year-old could be, wondering who would sit by me at lunch or join me on the swings at recess. I can still close my eyes, feeling what I felt.

I do miss school. I miss my college classes, wandering around the University of Maryland on the best type of time crunch, feeling grown-up and busy and alive. I discovered so much back then, fell in first love my sophomore year, and listening to Ingrid Michaelson or Death Cab for Cutie or The Shins brings it all right back to me. I can’t listen to those tunes without remembering that one magnificent, golden fall: soft hoodies, the crunch of feet on leaves. Cool, crisp air and hope and the unknown.

The dawn of a new school year — buses dotting country roads; fresh boxes of Crayons in perfect rows at Target — makes me nostalgic for the way things were. When you’re young, you can’t wait to grow up. When you grow up, you remember — keenly — what it was like to be young. It might seem funny to hear a 28-year-old wax so nostalgic, but trust me when I say it’s nothing new.


Just starting


Today I was thinking about our future kids: maybe wild and curly-haired; maybe quiet and sweet. I was thinking about what their first day will be like, how I’ll cry quietly and try to act tough; how I’ll wait with sickening nerves to hear about their first day. How quickly those years will go by, faster than I can reach out to hold them. And I’ll wax nostalgic about this moment, months before our wedding — before I knew anything about what the future would hold.

Oh, the messy stuff on my mind before I’ve had my first diet soda of the day, friends. Scary, isn’t it?

But I’ve fast-forwarded too far. This fall will be delightfully busy, unexpected and awesome. It will feature the hardest, best kind of change: all that comes with building a new life. As Spencer and I draw closer to that big day, the early signs of autumn are getting me in the fall-and-wedding mindset like nothing else has. We always knew we wanted a fall wedding — and goodness knows I’m a fall fanatic — and now . . . it’s almost here.

Magic.


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7 thoughts on “Early signs of fall

  1. It hasn’t really gotten hot here and we had fall like weather this weekend. It is the strangest summer I can remember. I love that you’re already dreaming of your children. 🙂

  2. Fall is my absolute favorite time of year, although in Florida we don’t get much of it. (Well we have a fall, but it isn’t like yours, and it comes in, like, November!) Love the smells and the crisp air and all the pumpkin flavored stuff. Now, back to school? I don’t want to be a party pooper, but I hate back to school. I wish I could close my eyes and have October be here…

  3. I related to this post a lot, since fall is my second-favorite season after winter and I get so excited when the cool air starts swirling up the fallen leaves. I also get nostalgic easily, and I know that tomorrow I’ll be wistful for today.

  4. Back to school time is so exciting. I still get a little nervy before my own classes that I teach start. And I bought Greyson’s first load of school supplies yesterday (for pre-school). So much fun to reflect

  5. So true about 28-year olds being nostalgic. Even 23-year olds act nostalgic about college days…how is that nostalgia comes at such an early age? It is something the middle-aged scoff at but is very real.

    As a teacher, I can also relate to the upcoming school year and the newness that the fall brings! I enjoyed the post!

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