‘New Moon’ a worthy chapter in my ‘Twilight’-obsessed drooling

So after devouring all four books in Stephenie Meyer’s Twilight series two summers ago and having quite the Edward Cullen-obsessed weekend this time last year, I figured “New Moon” would produce plenty more for me to gawk and cry and pant over this year. Yeah, and I was totally right. Because though I still pledge my loyalty to Edward for all his awkward, well-meaning devotion to Bella, Jacob Black? Dude stepped up to the plate. And became really, really ridiculously good looking.

No one needs a summary of the film, so I’ll skip all that nonsense and get to the good stuff: “New Moon” was well acted, gorgeous to watch and, most importantly, way more entertaining than the actual novel! Of all the book in the series, New Moon was the most painful for me to get through . . . maybe because I’ve had my heart broken, too, but probably more because it was droning and long. I felt your pain, Bella, for reals, but at some point you have to pick yourself up, stop diving off cliffs and just get on with your life.

But the Bella in this “New Moon”? Sassier. Still codependent and clearly unhealthily obsessed with Edward, for sure, but just . . . better. Kristen Stewart didn’t irk my last nerve nearly the way she did in “Twilight,” when I’d just about wanted to pop out of my seat in the theater and punch her rapidly blinking, constantly stuttering face.

I was sincerely worried that the lack of Edward in the movie would leave me bored to tears, because that’s just about what happened while reading the book. Every few pages or so, I’d start skimming frantically ahead to see when our undead lover boy was going to emerge on the scene — or if he was going to come back. Because as much as Bella loved and missed him, desperately wanted to see him? I was just as anxious — and couldn’t take much more of her misery or toying with Jake’s emotions.

My sister, Mom and I went to the 9:45 a.m. showing at our local theater — a time I thought (very, very naively) would be deserted. I mean, who goes to the movies before 10 a.m. on a weekend? Why do they even have movies before 10 a.m. on a weekend? Well, we showed up twenty minutes before the film started and still scrambled to find seats. Make a note on your mental scorecard ’cause it doesn’t happen often, but I was wrong.

Plenty of husbands, fathers and boyfriends were around, and let me say this: are you ladies feeling all right? The very last place I would want my significant other to hang out with me is at movie where Robert Pattinson and Taylor Lautner remain shirtless for extended periods of time! Grown women in our theater gasped when Taylor first stripped off his T-shirt. Adult women. And how am I supposed to enjoy all the delicious eye candy while holding some other guy’s hand, his eyes analyzing mine to see if I’m really buying into all this romantic stuff (hint: I am)? Dude, you’re no Edward. Just go home and watch a football game or something. I don’t need your constant sarcastic comments in my ear, totally ruining my serious reverie and reminding me that the likelihood I’ll meet someone as kind, perfect, intelligent and devoted to me as one of these fictional characters is, um, zero.

(Rants like this might be why I’m single, I should note. Or maybe it’s just because the tools I’ve dated in the past just don’t know a good thing when they hear her talking about Twilight. Hard to say, hard to say . . . Wait, it’s the latter.)

So all in all, “New Moon” was an epic win in my book! Plenty of action, suspense, romantic tension, family dynamics, cool scenery, bad guys (and girls), scenes in the Italian countryside . . . fantastic. My only gripe? The whole experience has left me with a serious tender spot for one Jacob Black, a character I’d never really paid any mind in the past. I’m still on Team Edward, but I can’t promise my alliance won’t shift if more images like the one above keep infiltrating my computer. And, you know, Jacob’s not all brooding and stalkery — unlike my boy Edward. Though I’ll keep running with the vampires . . . for now.

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15 thoughts on “‘New Moon’ a worthy chapter in my ‘Twilight’-obsessed drooling

  1. Great review and, wow, great picture of Jacob! I’m so jealous. I’m dying to go and see it. If I can’t persuade anyone to come tomorrow night (why don’t my friends like theses books!) I’m going to the 11am showing alone 🙂

  2. I agree–New Moon was easily 100 times better than Twilight. And, I have to applaud Chris Weitz, the actors, and anyone who was responsible for putting this movie together. Because anyone who can make me think about the possibility of Bella being with anyone else except Edward deserves a round of applause. Great movie. Can’t wait until Eclipse.

  3. I would just like to say that I could have written this post because I agree with you about everything–except I’ve always been Team Jacob for exactly the reasons you mentioned above. He’s FUN! Edward is so dark and brooding…and I suppose if you’re into that, he’s great for you. But Jacob (besides being WAY hot) has a sense of humor and is FUN.

    And I also thought the movie was better than the book… 🙂

  4. Ooooh I haven’t seen it yet, going to have to go soon! I’m glad that it is better than the book as I too skipped ahead to the Edward moments!

  5. swoooon. i also went to see it on sunday…and we must have been at the same theater, for when jacob kindly stripped off his shirt to aid a bleeding bella, adult women were dropping into the aisles. the teens and tweens were tittering, but the women were WORSE.

    now, if someone could get bella to STOP BITING HER LIP all the time, i’d be so much happier.

    the movie was entertaining and much better than the first. my friend started her own team: team charlie. we found him to be hillarious with his dry, one-liners.

    glad you enjoyed.

  6. GREAT review. I laughed out loud at your analysis of why you wouldn’t want a man at the theatre with you! We agreed and a group of my friends and I left our husbands behind. They also gasped at my theatre when Jacob ripped off his shirt . . . it seems to be a nationwide phenomenon!

    I loved Edward in the books, but I really felt for poor Jacob and secretly wanted Bella to chose him at the end of Eclipse and have a somewhat normal life (if you can with a werewolf). I think Jacob on the big screen is kind of changing the roles around and making people jump ship from their love of Edward in the book.

  7. I gave up on this book when I tried to read it earlier this year. Bella was just so darn annoying and whiney, I couldn’t handle it. I feel like I’ll probably see this movie eventually, probably with my sister or something. I’m glad it’s better than the first one because I agree, the acting in it was just terrible!

  8. This has to be my favorite post that you’ve ever written. It had me laughing out loud.

    Let me tell you, New Moon was the hardest book for me to get through. I started reading Twilight last year after my big breakup and New Moon just broke my heart over and over again. Bad timing.

    I cannot wait to see the movie and I totally agree about not wanting to see it with a boyfriend/husband..ew.

  9. Pingback: ‘Eclipse’ featured less mouth breathing and abs, but more disturbing relationship insights « write meg!

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